What makes being in a relationship hard? I think an underlying problem is having to share. I’ve been trying to figure out what makes it so hard to wrap my brain around marriage. The obvious is true, simply put, it’s a HUGE change. But when I sat and thought about it, God boiled it down to even simpler terms.
We have never truly learned how to share. And sharing has never seemed quite as fun as having it all for yourself. Sharing is scary. We have to trust someone with our stuff! We have to believe they will take care of it or that they’ll appreciate our sacrifice in offering it.
And since we never really learned to share, it’s hard to wrap our mind around sharing in marriage. Sharing money? Sharing my space? Sharing my feelings? Sharing is too vulnerable and we would rather voluntarily suffer than have to share.
But what about the other end of the spectrum? When we move from “I have to” to “I get to” it doesn’t seem so bad. And I can’t help but believe that we need to change our perspective about love, things, and money. Media paints a pretty ugly picture of marriage. It’s all about what you have to do. While that is a part of marriage it’s not all of marriage.
The movie “What Love Is,” explains this idea so great. A single friend is trying to convince his married buddy about how “whipped” he is in marriage. The married friend goes on to say it’s all about perspective. “You see it as I have to pick up my wife from the airport. I see it as I get to pick up my wife from the airport.”
I understand marriage will certainly not always be rainbows and roses. But I pray to understand it won’t be all hailstorms and thorns either. It’s the second biggest decision you can make (salvation being the first). It’s so big because it’s so good. And it will be a lot of work, but who wouldn’t want to work hard at something that’s worth it?