This week, I’ve been in tears. Not bad tears, but tears desiring closeness with God. Times of reflection on the old days back when all I wanted at the end of my day was to come home and sit in His Presence.
Somehow I’ve let the luxuries and provisions of life get in the way of my pursuit. I’m thankful for them of course, but comfort has taken the place of zeal and passion. I’ve been so focused on maintaining comfort and luxuries at the risk of chasing God with reckless abandon. My pursuit of God has been calculated rather than committed.
I’d say I’ve had a desire for God but the fire hasn’t been there. It’s totally my fault. Our God is a consuming fire so it’s not like He’s changed, it’s me. I’ve been pursuing God in my own time or when I’ve felt like it. What kind of relationship works like that? None!
If my husband told me he pursues me when he feels like it, I’d be pretty mad. Aren’t I desirable? Doesn’t love make you want to pursue me passionately? Doesn’t a desire for deeper intimacy with me make you want to pursue me? Those would be my responses to him.
So, why would I pursue God in a way that I wouldn’t want to be pursued? Isn’t God desirable? Don’t I love Him? Don’t I desire greater intimacy with Him?