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The Gift of Singleness

I think the biggest fear a single woman has is that if he wants you he’ll come get you.

It’s pretty scary. You’re single, you’re looking for that companionship and there is the risk that you won’t have it. You may have had it. You may have been with someone for years and end up breaking up. And of course, everyone says oh, if it’s meant to be it will be.

You don’t want to hear that when you’re single. You most certainly don’t want to hear that when you’re in love and single. Those words are downright depressing. If he wants you he’ll come get you. That means that there is a strong likelihood that he may not. Which is going to mean that he doesn’t love me.

That’s discouraging. I’ve never felt immediately encouraged when someone has said that to me. It’s a relationship or it was, and I want it to work. I want him to not need to leave to know he needs to be here, right?

Over the years I’ve had the pleasure of being single. And with that pleasure I have been presented the opportunity to do some soul checking along with some reality finding. And the conclusion I have come to in my own life is this: knowing the type of person I don’t want is just as useful as knowing the type of person I do. Would it be great to already have Mr. Right? Absolutely. But does it help to know who the many Mr. Wrongs are? Yep.

At least I know who isn’t an option, therefore my most precious commodity, time, is not wasted. It’s unfortunate he didn’t come back. Or is it? Don’t waste your time on anyone and call it love. Just because you can’t get over someone doesn’t mean that it’s love. It just means you can’t get over them.

Being single isn’t supposed to be a curse or jinx. It’s supposed to be the time in your life where you actually get to be priority. When you’re married that changes. When you have kids that changes. Singleness is the only time that it is OK for you to be your main focus. You know, if we spent more time encouraging people to get to know themselves in this very pinnacle moment in life, then people would feel less likely and less pressured to commit to something that isn’t commitment-ready.

There is a lot that you can get from a real relationship. Commitment, companionship, and a sense of comfort is nice, but there is no rule saying that you can’t give those things to yourself in the meantime. It’s nice to commit to being your best. It’s OK finding a companion in your own personhood. And by no means is it not OK to find comfort in being you.

I think marriage is beautiful. I think marriage is nice. I can’t wait to get married someday. But I also literally cannot wait to be confident and comfortable with being by myself. I am not bothered by the idea that right now it is just me, and my life and choices only affect me right now.

Being married is a gift and so is being single. Don’t be in such a hurry to return it.

1 Corinthians 7:7 (NLT) I wish everyone could get along without marrying, just as I do. But we are not all the same. God gives some the gift of marriage, and to others He gives the gift of singleness.

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